“Lisa, my mother said, what’s wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”
There was a reason for that.
It was my third year at Temple University as a radio, TV and film major and the speech and diction professor was encouraging students to lower their voice, creating deeper, richer sounds – more commanding.
Maybe this wasn’t the professor’s intention, but what I heard was “sound more masculine.” After all, that’s what was expected of women in the news business – powerful roles were expressed by having deep, rich, commanding tones. Leslie Stahl of CBS fame wrote in a recent New York Times article about the motto women were to follow back in the 70s and 80s as they tried to break into the news business: “’Do it the way the men do it….So we lowered our voices, and wore brown, boxy jackets to shroud all curves and protrusions.”
Am I the only one who – for decades – has carried around a voice in my head that says my very feminine voice just isn’t good enough?
Or…
“Other voices are better, more polished…
Smarter sounding.”
“And you just don’t measure up.”
I doubt I’m alone, hence this article. After three decades in the communications business, I’m still trying to re-wire my mind that the me God created is ok! Of course, we can always improve what we have, but at its core, who I am is OK.
Who YOU are is OK too.
My personal journey was reflected in a recent Psychology Today article, which debunks the myth that those with deeper voices are more effective leaders.
Awesome. A national news outlet said it so now I can believe it! I CAN indeed be a good leader without augmenting me.
The story piqued my interest so I decided to further explore how voice impacts success by conducting my own non-scientific study of successful women and the pitch/tone of their voice. I figured a great place to start would be to listen to popular TED Talks. So I zipped through more than 25 top-ranked TED Talks presented by women.
Were the most popular speakers those with a deeper, richer tone?
Surprise, surprise! Not at all!
More than half “best of” TEDTalks were presented by women who were decidedly “female” in the sound of their voice. Of course, there were women with deeper, richer tones, but not as many and it certainly was no indicator of success.
So does the tone of voice really matter?
I do think tone COMBINED with confidence does indeed matter. How our voices reflect professional experiences and our expertise makes a difference. While it’s not as much about how high-pitched or low-pitched one’s voice is, it does matter how relaxed, present and controlled a voice is.
For example, I start feeling uncomfortable when I hear someone speaking who is clearly nervous. I feel bad for them. I start pulling for them and watching the clock for when they can get off stage and grab a glass of water or catch their breath. It’s distracting and their lack of confidence can steal the experience.
I think the best sounding speakers are able to settle their vocal cords and find the tone that is reflective of their most focused state of mind.
How do you do that?
Here are my suggestions:
- Make how you speak a priority. Work less about making your voice “lower” and more about making it relaxed. Be mindful about how your body connects to your voice.
- Notice the time of day when you are most focused and alive. How do you speak at that time? Also, what does your tone sound like when you are talking with someone you are comfortable with – excited to be with? Channel that feeling and sound during every conversation you have today, this week and moving forward.
- Picture your voice box and where the sounds are coming from? Do you feel vibrations in your chest? How about your ribcage? Does it feel powerful and relaxed or tense and tight?
A great communicator “owns” their words. The person who internalized their position, owns the dialogue and makes it personal to their audience, wins a share of mind.
How do you sound when you speak? What holds you back from sounding your best?
High pitch or low, we’re here to help you make the most of your voice and your voice.